My nipple is on Facebook.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Send help, water and tortillas.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
