this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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