Got a toothbrush?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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