is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
