thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
