btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
