I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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