Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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