i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
