As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
