mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
