i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
