Three words: puerto rican gang bang
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize