my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
