DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
