she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize