EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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