somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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