I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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