I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
