Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
