When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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