Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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