I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
