Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
