hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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