lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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