No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
