shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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