i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
