its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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