i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
