Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
