Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
