So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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