nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
