I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
