I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
