I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
