remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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