ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
