Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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