OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
