I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
