Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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