Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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