Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
