Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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