he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
