OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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