dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
