just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
