Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
4 words: hood of his car
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
