he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
