his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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