He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize