So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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