Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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