you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
