I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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