Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
