come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So apparently I’m into choking now
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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