Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just invented taco cereal.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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